How do you control your feelings?

Today unlike the rest i have felt like an emotional roller coaster. Happy, sad, bummed, irritated, mad, alone. I feel like the more i want to better my life the more satan attacks me to the point where i want to break. Its things that are not important to some people but important to me. Im at the point in my life where i want to live on fire for Christ. I want my life to reflect Him. But why is it so hard? I feel like i need to do things that might make me lose some people i know. Other than those feelings my kids birthday party is coming up. 3 and 4... i still cant believe how fast they are growing. I still sit down sometimes and stare at them in awe, and thank God for these two boys. Especially danny. fighting cancer. It hurts to watch but at the same time i am so proud. Again, the mixed emotions. I need to learn to give my troubles to God and stop thinking so hard on them. It really gets the best of me...

Take a risk!

Now more than ever I feel so intrigued and alive! The past few years I've had what I wouldn't call dreams, but thoughts. Thoughts of taking my past experiences and using it to help other girls and woman who may be going through the same thing or something similar. I've always thought of doing that when I was older...but why? Why wait when the time is now. Woman need help now! Not in a few years. I feel like God wants me to stop thinkin about it and do it! I want to let these girls know that they are not alone. That they are loved by their Father and King. Just thinkin about how I use to feel and knowing that their are girls right now crying, hiding in fear. And most girls (like me) don't want to go talk to a psychologist because of the embarrassment. So why should I not form a group for my city and cities around me for woman just like me, to talk and discuss about our past and how we will fight through it with God! I don't know how I'm going to start this group or what God has in store but I do know that if I put all my faith and worries in Him, He is going to work through me so I can share His word to His daughters who need Him. It's time to take a risk and not let my emotions and pride hold me back! I don't want to wait anymore! Put your negative thoughts and fears aside and let your light shine! We may not be able to change the world but we can do our part to make a change IN the world!

Forgiveness and the joy it brings.

As a Christian you are called to forgive. No matter what the circumstance may be. The answer? Forgive them. As hard as it may be there is no point in holding on to an anger that just eats you alive. Satan wants you to be upset and hurt and angry. He feeds off all of those negative emotions you carry and it makes him happy. So why would you want to please someone who hates you? It's too hard right? Yea. It's extremely difficult to forgive someone who has hurt you in such a way that it changed your life, forever. I know this because I have been through it. Today a man who hurt me so much when I was younger asked me to forgive him. As the tears ran down my face the words "I forgive you" slipped out of my mouth like water. In doing so, I now feel free. Free of the pain and anger that I kept inside for so many years. I find comfort in my God. I find my happiness in my strength and faith. His love for me will never fade. Today I step out of the darkness into a bright light with a smile. The feeling of sadness that no one cared or believed me is gone. God saw everything. God let it happen because He had a plan for my life. Never look at the negativity in your life as a punishment from God. It is all from Satan and God will allow it to happen so that you find peace and comfort in Him. In the end, you have a testimony to share. One that can comfort others and possibly save someone from drowning in negativity. Let YOUR life save ANOTHER life.

Through Her Eyes: Survivor

Through Her Eyes: Survivor: Things can look so sweet on the outside but can be so bitter on the inside. Now that I'm not embarrassed by my past anymore I can now give y...

Survivor

Things can look so sweet on the outside but can be so bitter on the inside. Now that I'm not embarrassed by my past anymore I can now give you a glimpse of walking in my shoes. "As a woman I made mistakes, as a woman I gave my heart to the wrong man, as a woman I crawled through the violence with shame and fear of death, as a woman I cried myself to sleep countless numbers of nights but as a woman, out of all I'm a survivor." Most of you wouldn't even think that this ^ would define me but it does. I am a victim of domestic violence. I have been beaten everyday brutally to the point where I was scared to leave. Swollen face, bruises, cuts. Not once, but everyday for over a year. This boy told me he loved me, right after telling me he was going to kill me at that very moment. This boy told me every compassionate word there was to hear. I was so blind, so scared, so embarrassed that I stayed in the life that was a lie, so that I didn't have to explain myself to anybody. As girls we only hear what we want to hear.We except the good and tune out the bad to make ourselves believe that everything is ok. " but he says he loves me" words mean nothing. Love is not violence. Love is not pain and suffering. I now know that because the MAN i have now is the compete opposite. Love is kind, gentle, compassionate, patient, selfless. If I never went through any of the pain in my past I would have never known what love was. What it felt like. The joy. The feeling of someone loving you so much you are able to close your eyes and fly. Don't settle for what you think is okay, what you can handle. Your life is worth more. Let the world see your smile rather than having to hide it under fear. My past does not define me. As bad as it hurts to say I'm a victim, I'm proud to say that I'm a survivor.

Through Her Eyes: Me. Unfiltered.

Through Her Eyes: Me. Unfiltered.: Maybe Visibility is what is needed. No one knows the real you until you let them in. Today is like the rest. Life is a routine but rather...

Me. Unfiltered.

Maybe Visibility is what is needed. No one knows the real you until you let them in. Today is like the rest. Life is a routine but rather than disliking it, i enjoy it to the fullest. At 22 i can say that I've been through, what i cant say "it all" but what feels close to it. Mom is good today. Even though the MS is wearing a grin...so is she. She tough. I know thats where i get it from. Danny, my oldest, a Leukemia fighter, shows me everyday the meaning of life. The importance of faith. The severity of not handling things alone and where it gets you. Although at times my eyes are filled with hate and anger and question, i am reminded why i have these feelings. Why i was chosen to with go so much. Im not perfect but i am proud to be a christian. Proud that i know what im fight for. The after life is my reward. There's no stopping now. Not here.