Survivor

Things can look so sweet on the outside but can be so bitter on the inside. Now that I'm not embarrassed by my past anymore I can now give you a glimpse of walking in my shoes. "As a woman I made mistakes, as a woman I gave my heart to the wrong man, as a woman I crawled through the violence with shame and fear of death, as a woman I cried myself to sleep countless numbers of nights but as a woman, out of all I'm a survivor." Most of you wouldn't even think that this ^ would define me but it does. I am a victim of domestic violence. I have been beaten everyday brutally to the point where I was scared to leave. Swollen face, bruises, cuts. Not once, but everyday for over a year. This boy told me he loved me, right after telling me he was going to kill me at that very moment. This boy told me every compassionate word there was to hear. I was so blind, so scared, so embarrassed that I stayed in the life that was a lie, so that I didn't have to explain myself to anybody. As girls we only hear what we want to hear.We except the good and tune out the bad to make ourselves believe that everything is ok. " but he says he loves me" words mean nothing. Love is not violence. Love is not pain and suffering. I now know that because the MAN i have now is the compete opposite. Love is kind, gentle, compassionate, patient, selfless. If I never went through any of the pain in my past I would have never known what love was. What it felt like. The joy. The feeling of someone loving you so much you are able to close your eyes and fly. Don't settle for what you think is okay, what you can handle. Your life is worth more. Let the world see your smile rather than having to hide it under fear. My past does not define me. As bad as it hurts to say I'm a victim, I'm proud to say that I'm a survivor.